Being Pretty Can Be a Curse ♥

8 Months Clean Today

I really never thought I would see the day that I would have this much clean time. I didn’t even want to stay clean when I went into treatment, I had every intention of going home after treatment and getting high again. I just wanted the physical pain to stop for a little while. I am so happy that the God of my understanding had different plans for me. My life is so different today and I have put myself through so much, but I don’t think my decisions in recovery should have been any different. I am the kind of person that needs to beat my head up against the wall a couple of times before I finally get it. my sponsor said acting out is going to happen, as long as I don’t pick up. Boyyy have I acted out…

Boyfriend #1 = learning experience (don’t send naked pictures)
Got arrested (shoplifting)
Kicked out of halfway house #1
Halfway house #2 = a blessing
Continued sleeping with ex #1 (until the pain got great enough)
A series of boys to fill the void (I’m so sick)
Found boyfriend #2 = doomed from the start (another iop client, big no no)
Watched two of my good friends go back out
Boyfriend #2 cheated (I stayed with him, of course)
Eating disorder out of control
Shelby’s will run rampant
Kicked out of iop #1 (found out about bf #2 & eating disorder)
Kicked out of halfway house #2
Halfway house #3 = where I need to be
Continued using boyfriend #2 like a drug
Boyfriend #2 had my house manager break up with me for him (he already had another girlfriend)
Continued using ex #2 like a drug (insanity)

But through all of that, I grew up a little bit. Like most addicts, I don’t do well with rules, so I found a halfway house with less rules. Which was why ex #2 was put in my life to begin with, he got me into this house. They let me learn from my mistakes, I just have to be accountable for my actions. I find I want to do the next right thing when I’m not forced too…

Got rid of ex #2 (I loved the chaos and/or insanity, not him)
My sponsor is a God send
My boyfriend now is absolutely amazing (princess status)
I have real friends
My family trusts me again and sees the progress I am making

My life is truely blessed, I wouldn’t change my past for anything. I can actually work on myself because my life is no longer chaotic. I am no where near perfect or where I need to be, but I am getting there and I am exactly where I need to be today.

Love Always,
Shelby Rose ♥

5 notes

It Can’t Be..

The words I love you keep popping up in my head. It’s ridiculous… it’s impossible. It has only been a couple months. Maybe it’s just me needing some kind of validation, yes, that’s what it is…

But he’s everything I could ever dream of. He truely treats me like a princess. Maybe its because we are still in the honeymoon stage…

Or maybe I’m justify and rationalizing in my head how impossible it is, because it really is possible that I am completely falling for you.

I really am so blessed.
8 months clean tomorrow.

2 notes

My ED Cycle

I go through these cycles of eating normal, binging and purging and restricting. One always seems to lead to another. Ill eat normal, start gaining weight which leads to restricting. I can only restrict for so long before I want pizza, and than I am off the races binging and purging, and that is the hardest thing to get under control.

Than you throw the substance abuse problem in there and I am just one fucked up mess.. ~~I hope there isnt a needle at the end of all of this~~

My Current Cycle: Restricting. Lets see how long I can do this & how much weight I can lose