What is it with boys in early recovery going to strip clubs?? Especially when they’re already getting laid why throw money at girls who are getting high?! You don’t have to live like that today.
You hang out in a barbershop long enough, you’re gonna get your haircut. If you know what I mean. ‘
The memories are distant, the pain is distant, the anger is distant, the feelings are distant… it is easier it remain numb and not have to deal with the hurt when I dont have to see or talk to him. I like to think the numbness is me getting over it, until i randomly get a text from him and my stomach turns into a ball of knots. The text had nothing of importance written in it, it just said ‘u ok’ but his name popping up on my phone is what gave me the knots… Than my phone died.
Numbing the anger and the hurt really isnt me dealing with it, Its me ignoring. I know when he comes home next week, I wont be able to avoid him, because lets be realistic when you have the same group and live in the same halfway house you cant avoid each other forever. All that hurt ive been stuffing and ignoring is going to hit me like a ton of bricks and im not going to know what to do with that hurt.
Dealing with this kinda shit while getting high was a hundred times easier, bc id stick a rig in my arm, fallout for days than go fuck his friends. But i dont have to live like that today. Getting high, is not an option.
Okay so the unhealthy relationship Ive been bitching about, is ex #2, yuppp that’s right. There is an ex #1 in recovery.
Threaded Text with Ex Boyfriend # 1.
Alex: Ur gonna get hurt if u open ur heart to that dumbass
Alex: I juss dont want u to get hurt again
Me: I think Im good.
Alex: Thats y he was tellin me that he wants to go out out this weekend and look for some new pussy cuz I have a car he will treat u like I did at the end of us going out I live with the bitch.
Alex: Y cant u just be single and do u.. u have potential to do anything and niggas like us will just bring u down and make u feel worse about urself.
Me: How is this any of ur business?
Alex: One cuz he calls me his “boy” and hes tryin to fuck who he knows is my ex and homeboys dont do that and two im tryin to look out for u cuz obviously u cant do that urself i dont want u to end up like i did going back to treatment cuz u cant handle the stress of getting hurt.
Me: First of all im not fucking going back out for nothing especially no nigga. second hes my homeboy ive been chillin with him for weeks, hes cool with drew we kicked it wen me n him were dating so fall backk.
Alex: Ya thats why hes throwing in my face that hes talkin to u he wouldnt shut the fuck up about it. Alex: and ya cuz drew was real catch kissin lauren an talking to dri like he wanted to fuck.
Me: Idc what drews doin.
Alex: Im not sayin now.. while u were dating. Me: How about u worry about yourself not sitting thru a meeting and stop worryin about what Im doin.
Alex: I left cuz im pissed that that little bitch calls me his homeboy is fucking my ex
Alex: I wanted to reach over and crack that little faggot in his chin.
Do people not know by now that i am not going to go back for some stupid fucking boy or anything for that matter… I just found it funny bc the guy he is talkin about is really just my home boy and I was sitting with a group of guys… yeah I know its me liking the attention again lolol.
Shelby Rose ♥